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A while back, I heard that sex toy manufacturer California Exotic offered free toys to bloggers who would review them on their websites. The application was pretty in-depth and even though I was pretty sure I had the right pedigree to become an official toy reviewer, I lost hope after a few weeks went by with no word from the company.

This morning, I received an email that began, “Congratulations! You have been chosen to be a Cal Exotics Sexpert™!”

What does that mean for you? In a week or two, I’ll start posting the occasional sex toy review on this blog. I like Cal Exotic and I’ve sold thousands of their products over the years, but you can rest assured that I’m no shill. If anything, my experience in the dildo mines has made me very aware of what doesn’t work and I’m pleased to be able to share that experience with you, dear reader.

So keep an eye out. They say I’ll be receiving a box of goods (or perhaps a single good?) in the coming week. I hope my Sexpert™ certificate’s in there.

Everyone loves a naughty tell-all book, but only a few porn stars have captured the general public’s imagination enough to write successful autobiographies like Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale. Jenna’s was probably the most compelling of these books to come out in the last decade, but Tera Patrick’s new book, Sinner Takes All, does something that Jenna’s book didn’t – it makes her seem like a real person.

Salacious stories are par for the course in any porn star’s autobiography, and Tera obliges us with plenty of tales of teenage drug addiction, sex that borders on rape and porn set horror stories. She also reveals things that most of us – porn stars included – probably wouldn’t be able to admit about ourselves in such a public forum.

She cops to completely shallow aspirations, mental illness, spousal abuse and generally cunty behavior that are rate in porn autobiographies because no matter what people say, they care about how they’re are perceived by others. Tera shows sides of herself that make her seem incredibly unlikeable right alongside the stories of taking care of elderly patients in a nursing home and fighting back against a huge porn company that knowingly capitalized on her naiveté by offering her a terrible contract, then attempting to drive her out of the business after she realized how badly they’d screwed her over.

Throughout the book, the theme that stuck out most clearly for me was contradiction. In one chapter Tera calls herself a beautiful, powerful woman, then describes her degrading relationship with Erik Schrody (aka Everlast) in the next. At one point she says she loves her fans and then turns around later on and calls them the “perverted guys who fantasized about me.” The biggest contradiction of all, in my opinion, is her inflated ego as “the most famous porn star in the world” and the crushing insecurity that pushed her into emotional turmoil, bad relationships, and porn scenes she wasn’t comfortable doing.

If Tera comes out of this book looking complicated and paradoxical, her ex-husband Evan Seinfeld manages to seem even more dissonant than she. Evan writes a few chapters from his perspective that reveal him to be the suitcase pimp douchbag we all know he is, as well as a partner who withstood abuse, emotional manipulation, and pure insanity to be with the woman he loved.

In the book’s afterward, Tera writes a very raw post-mortem of her marriage and how she’d managed to be so oblivious for so long to the things that ultimately convinced her that the relationship was doomed. The perspective gained by putting her life under a microscope and analyzing who she is and how she got to this place was too much for the already fractured relationship to withstand. And she’s happier for it.

I didn’t leave the book with the impression that Tera might have wanted to give me about herself, but I was very moved by the courage it took to include the details she knew might make it hard to do so. From the experiences that led her to this career to her institutionalization in a mental hospital to the rise and fall of her marriage, Tera is straightforward and earnest almost to a fault – even when it’s hard to take her at her word. Her story is as much about her ugliness as her beauty and that’s what makes it a compelling read.

Pink Visual has been trying to find a way to capitalize on the popularity iPhones for a while now. First it was 3-D porn, then they made a movie entirely on an iPhone. Now they’ve created a “web app” (aka, a website formatted to look like an app) called iTouchHer.

I do not have an iPhone. Rather, I own the G1 (Google phone) pictured to the left. But because this site is available on the web, anyone with a touch-sensitive smart phone or a computer can play these games.

There are eight games on ITouchHer.com and I played them on the phone to get a feel for the games as close to the way they’re meant to be experienced as possible.

Intro
Before you start playing games on iTouchHer (but after you’ve already chosen which game you want to play), you’re shown an instruction screen followed by a confusing screen that tells you that you need to tap on different parts of a picture of a woman (her erogenous zones) to start. It doesn’t matter one bit which you choose and you’re never shown the woman again.

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I’ve finally had the opportunity to watch Big Wet Asses 15, so I thought I’d give you guys a quick review with screencaps of Gianna’s big scene. Most first anal scenes get a lot of undeserved hype, but I think Gianna’s was very highly anticipated by many porn fans (myself included).

Gianna starts with the obligatory Big Wet Asses intro – getting oil poured all over her big, round behind. When the posing is done, the scene begins with Michael Stefano kissing and eating Gianna’s ass in a room that looks like a bank vault with a couch inside. Gianna and Michael seem to have pretty good chemistry and there’s lots of kissing in the scene.



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A lot has been made of Sasha Grey’s role in Steven Soderbergh’s new film, The Girlfriend Experience, especially by the adult press. Our news outlets have a serious (self-hating?) obsession with porn performers “crossing over” into the mainstream and a porn actress making an independent film with an Oscar-winning director is certainly a far cry from, say, Zombie Strippers.

The Girlfriend Experience is about an expensive New York call girl named Chelsea and her boyfriend, a personal trainer, set during the fall of 2008 while the presidential campaign and the recession were both in full swing. The film follows them around to a variety of meetings where they both whore themselves out, albeit in slightly different ways.

It won’t come as a surprise to the many people who’ve noted that her porn performances tend to be a bit lackluster and flat that Sasha played her character competently, but without much emotion. The problem is, I’m not sure whether this was simply a mediocre performance or how her character was intended to come off. Perhaps both.

A complete lack of character development coupled with a meandering storyline is what sunk this movie. By the time things actually began to happen in the film (internet drama, forbidden love, relationship turmoil), I didn’t care. It wasn’t even clear exactly what was occurring at some junctures because Chelsea had no discernible motives or emotions.

To put it bluntly, The Girlfriend Experience was not a good movie. But it wasn’t Sasha Grey’s fault.

The reason I say it wasn’t Sasha’s fault is that she was barely even a character in the film she was supposed to be starring in. We see more of the back of Sasha’s head than any other part of her. When she’s not facing away from the camera, she’s often visually obscured by curtains, beams, darkness or furniture. These angles were so noticeable that it felt like Steven Soderbergh’s directing was the real “star” of the film.

Overall, it wasn’t a movie I enjoyed or would recommend seeing, but I didn’t hate it. I would say, however, that if you want to watch a Sasha Grey movie, Fashionistas: Safado would be a better choice.